Anyone with half a brain knows that the telemarketers of yesteryear have now moved onto the Internet in order to lure people into their scams, be they wanting to sell you a “great, new product” or offer you an “exciting business opportunity.” Yesterday morning, I had the displeasure of being rudely awoken by a Facebook message from somebody attempting to do the latter. Without further ado, I’d like to present a comedy about pyramid schemes, technical savvy, and wiseassery:
The Cast of Characters:
My partners company, JRM Enterprise, is currently going through an expansion period focusing in the New York area. We are looking for a couple of individuals to work with. I know this may be a bit of a shot in the dark, but do you keep your options open outside of what you currently do full-time?
I’m sorry, how did you find me? Is this even legit?
This is legitimate.JRM Enterprise operates with franchising, social networking, and endorsements. We have business throughout the tristate area as well as Greece [Tri-state and Greece, eh? How is it, that in amassing this vast empire, they’ve seemed to miss ANYTHING between these two areas!?]. We deal with various aspects of business. I found you using a search engine my partner designed to locate individuals based on their publicly displayed information on their social networks [Does he mean Google?]. People tend to be more truthful and do not expand the truth as much as compared to a Resume [NOT TRUE! I’m pretty sure most men claim to have bigger penises on their profiles, and many young women choose to lie about their appearance in an attempt to make me believe they’re not human beings, but ducks!]. If you provide me your contact information, preferably a cell phone number, I will have my business partner explain the opportunity in further detail.
Do you have a website or anything that offers a publicly available overview of your company’s purpose and services?
The web portal I have available is password protected for the clients and different corporations I work with. The information displayed on it would not have information displaying opportunities. [Read: I’m full of shit, and rely solely on buzzwords, hype, and hastily put together HTML in order to excite you, America’s young men and women!]
That’s fine, I’d just feel more comfortable knowing the company’s purpose, mission statement, and policies before deciding if I’d be interested in viewing any available opportunities. [Mission statement? What am I, back in Catholic school!?]
Provide me with a way to get in contact you over the phone so I may provide you with those details. I would prefer not to cheapen my business over Facebook. [That’s why you approached me on Facebook, right? To preserve your corporate integrity?]
I understand, but all the information you provide with me will be kept confidential [I fucking lied!]. I don’t really feel comfortable distributing my phone number or any contact information until I know exactly who I’m dealing with.
Heres the website. http://www.thegbsinc.com/ its very general because its password protected like i previously mentioned [Or because it’s based upon flashy looking words and pictures which have been sloppily thrown together, but hey: you say “toe-may-toe,” I say “tah-mah-toe,” right?]. If you have any questions or would like to receive any more information let me know.
I appreciate the link to your company’s website. Even without the benefit of having access to every section of the secure site, I feel it is quite informative. Your client portfolio is full of big, household names. However, I feel as though your strategy of “disrupting the distribution chain and shifting business online” promotes a marketplace which uses grandiose advertising campaigns as a hollow substitute for the quality of the final product, thus reducing the customers of these businesses to mere demographics: as someone who believes strongly in the dedication to quality offered by small mom and pop businesses, this is a practice which I feel I cannot, in good conscience, associate myself with.
Also, in your portfolio, you mention a Miss America mobile app, presumably developed by your company. Upon searching across Google and various mobile app stores, I’ve seen no app available similar to the one described on the site. Is the app being developed or has it been discontinued?
In addition, upon searching for Global Business Solutions on the United States Securities and Exchange Commission website, I have found no record of the company being registered as a legitimate business. Also, upon running thegbsinc.com through the Whois.Net domain-based research service, I see the site was registered by HostMonster.com on November 11, 2011. I’m having difficulty believing that a company which claims to represent hundreds of other companies for the past 50 years and also boasts about providing its clients with solutions in order to “shift business online” has only set up its own website not even four months ago through an online hosting service.
Lastly, the website and address are for a company called Global Business Solutions; the company you initially claimed to represent is JRM Enterprise, which I could find no mention of on the website or through any web searches, even without the context of an association with Global Business Solutions [Actually, that’s not entirely true: I found a local home-improvement service in New Jersey called JRM EnterpriseS. In an effort to support mom and pop businesses, and discredit Michael Pappas, I highly encourage my Jersey followers (do they exist?) to offer JRM’s home-improvement Enterprises your patronage!]. These incongruities do not quell my initial apprehensions about this opportunity offered by your company, but only serve to arouse them further. If I have in any way misunderstood the information I’ve been presented with about your company, please feel free to correct me so I may re-evaluate my feelings about your company and its offer; if not, then I’m afraid I am unable to partake in the wonderful and exciting opportunity offered to me by JRM Enterprise.
GBS is a parent corporation of JRM. Usually I do not introduce my business as JRM however, seeing the growth that we are having within our division, it feels more appropriate to offer an opportunity within JRM instead of GBS. We previously had another website and created a new one. The app is currently very limited to those working within the company appropriately. Anymore information I would be happy to answer over the phone. Otherwise best of luck to you.
If I may say so, I feel as though you have misrepresented yourself and your company in your failure to be forward about GBS and its involvement with JRM from the start of your offer. Because of this, as well as other discrepancies between the information available about GBS/JRM and the information provided by you and your website, I believe we are quite finished here. Cheers!
This is not so much to air my dirty laundry as it is to bring to your attention the fraudulent offers made by Global Business Solutions, Inc. and JRM Enterprise. If anyone has further insight on Global Business Solutions, Inc., JRM Enterprise, or Michael Pappas, please let me know. In any event, if you find yourself dealing with any of these people or businesses, be warned that any offers they make you are more than likely bullshit.